The baby I was up with the other night died this morning.
Her mother was down in the cesarean recovery room and she had remained in the maternity ward on oxygen, an extra soul in the room.
This week has been hard.
Simple.
The relationship between living and dying so intrinsic and real. Raw.
As a midwife, one who ushers in life, I am exploring what it feels like to hold death as well.
It is hard and hard is good.
As a midwife, one who is with women, I am exploring what it feels like to have to set boundaries... and not always be there.

This week needs to be about working with the administration of the hospital to help implement some better practices... some standards of care and accountability amidst the chaos and trauma of working in this environment.

I am working the evening shift tonight and will spend the morning preparing a report and creating some worksheets that can be used on the labor ward to create accountability.
Simple.
Charts to document the fetal heart every hour... that must be turned in at the end of a shift.
Checklists for post partum care.
Cleaning each bed with bleach after every birth.
Infant CPR training.
Breastfeeding and HIV/AIDS transmission training.

I could go on and on. But some simple changes in practice might determing where women and babies stand in the line between life and the line between death