I don't feel well today.
I woke with this unquenchable thirst. Guzzled water, took a shower, hydrated my skin, guzzled water, made tea.
Felt better. Running late to lead a workshop on prepared childbirth for young pregnant mamas in the Bronx.
Got on the subway. Morning commute style. Bodies mashed into bodies, ten sets of hands on a pole, sweat mixed with perfume mixed with drycleaned suits mixed with coffee/garlic bagel breathe mixed with hormones mixed with sweat.
I am reading a book about women's health issues in Islam.
The author was describing the experience of having her genitals mutilated.
Suddenly I felt nauseous. I put the book down but it did not pass. I felt that thirst again, then hot, then cold, my knees wobbled like I couldn't stand any more. My vision was blurred. I held on tight to the pole with both hands and actually put my head on the shoulder of the man standing next to me. There was nowhere else for it to go. He looked a little concerned but didn't say anything.
I must have looked bad because the next thing I knew someone was leading me through the bodies to a seat. Phew. I thought I was going down.
I put my head between my knees and felt my breath return to normal. My pulse slow down.
As I came back into my senses I had the clarity to realize how this experience is moving through my body, literally, like a turbulent wave.
The body is this amazing, resilient, renewing cellular structure. Shedding old and taking in new all the time. And yet there is something about the way that trauma meets the cell structure... it gets stuck. It manifests in posture, in illness, rash, fear. How do we move trauma through the body to promote health?

On another note, I made it to and through the workshop.
I love teenagers. I really love New York teenagers. They are a special breed.
Some highlights:

Rachel: What do you think are some of the advantages of being able to walk in labor?
Girl dressed all in black: your boyfriend can check your ass out.

girl#1: Can I keep my underwear on when I am in labor?
Rachel: You can keep them on as long as you are comfortable... eventually they will have to come off.
girl #2: ... girl why you stressing about panties? You know white girls don't wear no panties!
girl #3: I don't wear panties either... I mean, I do when I go out, but when I'm in labor my labias be swingin'.

Girl asking question: As my pregnancy progesses, more and more people smile at me. Why?
Girl dressed all in black: Because you're fatter than they are.

Thoughts:
Maybe humor is an obvious answer to moving pain and trauma through the body. Its certainly an entry point for talking about it.